Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes, Act 3
by TheOrange
Summary: New Alliances are forged and old alliances strained as the events of the past eight episodes come to a head. I bet you wish they made THESE now, didn't you...
1. Episode 9a - Benny and Tankorr Take a Br...

**Beast Machines: The Lost Episodes - Season 1**

**ACT 3 - Collisions**

**Episode 9 - Benny and Tankorr Take a Break, by Traegorn RavenHawk**  
Episode 9B/10 - Phil Bondius Emeritus**, by TheOrange  
Episode 9c/11 - Denial and Trial, by Traegorn RavenHawk**  
Episode 9D/12 - The Freak Component**, by TheOrange**

**EMAIL: [ lostepisodes@tfboogaloo.com ]  
OFFICIAL WEBSITE: [ http://www.trhonline.com/bmle ]  
ONLINE STORE: [ http://www.cafepress.com/bmle ]**

**If you want to be notified of further Lost Episodes updates, including new Phil Bond stories and the upcoming Robots in Disguise parody, send a blank email to [ tranfans-subscribe@tfboogaloo.com ]. You will be notified promptly of any updates to the Lost Episodes mythos!**

**Please also read Act 1 - Changes, Act 2 - Bonds, End of the Line, and the Phil Bond one-shot: Mr. Ngo.**

**Read Season 2 at [ http://www.trhonline.com/bmle ].**

* * *

**Episode 9 - Benny and Tankorr Take a Break, by Traegorn RavenHawk**

**Benny is walking around Cybertron...**

**Benny: Damn! Trapped on some ass backwards robot planet in some indeterminate time frame with no one to scam... Jeez. An' I got five kids to feed! Stupid moletank, and shit...**

**Turns Corner and walks into Tankorr**

**Benny: Watch where you're going bitch! Your disapearin'' red striped ass scared the hell out of me!**

**Tankorr: Now this is just grand. A human being...**

**Benny: Mutant!**

**Tankorr: Whatever! A human being, or a close facsimile of one, is walking around Cybertron. Is Megatron employing Organics now, or has Optimus figured out a way to drag you out of the Oracle.**

**Benny: Naw man, some damned Moletank...**

**Tankorr: Mr. Bamt...**

**Benny: Yeah, his fucked up ass dragged me through time to be some sort of ass master...**

**Tankorr: Headmaster...**

**Benny: You sure with that guy?**

**Tankorr: No.**

**Benny: Well, to be some sort of master, or some such shit, and make people apologize or something.**

**Tankorr: He took my drones.**

**Benny: So you don't like him either?**

**Tankorr: About as much as I like having sex with Starscream.**

**Benny: ...**

**Tankorr: THAT MEANS I DON'T LIKE HIM!**

**Benny: suuuuuure......**

**Elsewhere**

**Rattrap and Nightscream are patrolling for no good reason. Nightscream looks worse for wear.**

**Nightscream: please... stop... shooting... me....**

**Rattrap: Don't make me reload kid.**

**Nightscream: but...**

**Rattrap: Shoots Nightscream I warned ya'**

**A River bank**

**Benny and Tankorr are skipping stones...**

**Benny: So if Megatron is so anti-organics, why'd he create NickBee?**

**Tankorr: Simple. It's the fanfic writer's fault.**

**Benny: This is a fanfic?**

**Tankorr: Duh. Why do you think there are this many characters thrown in by Traegorn, like NickBee, You, Mr. Bamt, the Diagnostic Drone has been renamed Bob Ski....**

**Benny: Wait!, you mean _he_ came up with Mr. Bamt?**

**Tankorr: Well, not the current one writing, and Mr. Bamt sort of came up with himself...**

**Flashback -- Ben Yee's Beast Machines Bulletin Board, Late 1999**

**Traegorn/Trægonis: Dude, calm down...**

**You Know Who: i am guardian of this board........apologize now....**

**The Orange: You are so unfroody.**

**Phil Bond: Hold me Orange, hold me....**

**NetworkGuy: You all need mental help...**

**/Flashback**

**Tankorr: So maybe it didn't happen _exactly_ like that...**

**Benny: Phil is gonna kick Traegorn's ass, huh.**

**Tankorr: He'll probably try at least....**

**Benny: Ha! Phil trying to kick Traegorn's ass.... Skips a stone across the river**

**Back to Elsewhere**

**Rattrap: Into comm. unit Rattrap to Optimus! Uhh... I kind of hurt Nightscream....**

**Nightscream: ughhh.....**

**Optimus Through communicator: I can't DEAL with that now!**

**Rattrap: What are you? Ultra Magnus?**

**Optimus: Uhh, I mean, There's no TIME for that!**

**Rattrap: Better. **

**Optimus: Thanks!**

**Back to the River**

**Benny: So... where exactly did this riverbed come from?**

**Tankorr: What? A robotic planet can have miles of sewers, and no rivers?**

**Benny: Sorry, but I got five kids to feed.**

**Tankorr: Suuure. Rolls eyes**

**Benny: WHAT!!**

**Elsewhere again...**

**Rattrap: 'Eh, will you heal yourself already? I really want to shoot you!**

**Nightscream: Blow me.**

**Rattrap: You are _so_ lucky this isn't a Transformers World's Worst Fanfic....**

**Nightscream: Why? Traegorn RavenHawk started using #wiigii!...**

**Rattrap: By Primus no....**

**Nightscream: Exactly...**

**Back at the River**

**Tankorr: So, that's why I hate Bob Skir.**

**Benny: He really did that to those poor children?**

**Tankorr: Yup.**

**Benny: But the Sound of Music?**

**Tankorr: The remastered version.**

**Benny: shiver**

**Tankorr: I know...**

**Back to Elsewhere**

**Rattrap: So, that's what Optimus' toy looks like.**

**Nightscream: Oh god... what's gonna happen to us?**

**Rattrap: I don't know, stinky, I don't know.**

**Back at Megatron's Evil Palace of Indifference**

**Megatron: Why am I doing nothing?**

**Bob Skir/Drone: I honestly don't care about you anymore. This Benny Chap is entertaining.**

**Megatron: What?!**

**BS/D: Dance puppet! Dance!**

**Megatron: dancing around Oh no....**

**Unicron's Head: From the Sky At least he didn't push you out of shot ever...**

**Back to the River**

**Benny: So that's when I turned on Arnold...**

**Tankorr: The weak fleshling deserved it...**

**Benny: Exactly!**

**Tankorr: And besides, like you said, you got five kids to feed!**

**Benny: Suuurrre......**

**Yet another Elsewhere, but not the first elsewhere**

**Cheapwhore and Black-a-whack-nia**

**Cheetor and BA: HEY!**

**I mean, Cheetor and Blackarachnia....**

**Blackarachnia: Better.**

**Cheetor: Jeez, how bored are you Mr. RavenHawk?**

**TRH: I'm not bored actually, I just felt that I needed to say what was happening to the rest of the cast.**

**Cheetor: Why?**

**TRH: Habit, I guess.**

**BA: Well, stop it already! Get back to the plot.**

**Cheetor: Even if this is turning into what a Kevin Smith episode of Beast Machines would look like.**

**TRH: Shut up Hot Rod.**

**Cheetor: I AM NOT HOT ROD! runs off**

**Back to the First Elsewhere**

**Rattrap: You feelin' better flyboy?**

**Nightscream: All better!**

**Rattrap: Good! Pulls out pistol**

**Nightscream: Uhh, Hey! Isn't that a Riverbed over there?**

**Rattrap: Where?**

**The Riverbed**

**Tankorr: Hmmm... I seem to be tracking a maximal or two.**

**Benny: Who cares?**

**Tankorr: Good point**

**Rattrap and Nightscream walk up, seeing Benny and Tankorr skipping rocks.**

**Rattrap: eh, what's goin' on.**

**Tankorr: Skipping rocks. **

**Rattrap: Why?**

**Tankorr: What else are we going to do?**

**Rattrap: eyes Nightscream Oh, I've got an idea....**

**five minutes later**

**Rattrap: PULL!**

**Benny pulls a lever on a catapult, flinging Nightscream into the air.**

**Tankorr and Rattrap shoot at him.**

**Nightscream: Why can't we all just get along? gasp**

**The End.**

* * *

**Please feel free to go on to Episode 9b/10 - Phil Bondius Emeritus**


	2. Episode 9b/10 - Phil Bondius Emeritus

Episode 9B/10 - Phil Bondius Emeritus**, by TheOrange**

The lab / converted warehouse sector of Cybertron

Diagnostic Drone: Drone to Tankorr... objective completed. I am homing in on your signal. Whoop!

Jetstorm flies by, with NickBee and Trust following.

Jetstorm: Hmm, this place looks familiar...

They move on. The drone continues.

Drone: Repeat, objective completed.

Nearby

Tankorr: Good, I'll meet you there.

Inside one of the labs

Drone: The residual DNA on this sticker should be enough for my purposes, though why I am telling you this is beyond even my comprehension.

Sticker: I must be purged!

Drone: throwing the sticker into the transwarp chamber Yes, of course...

3 February, 2000 -- Phil Bond's Pad -- Way Out in the Boonies, Wisconsin

Phil Bond: online with TheOrange ... so that's how we all survived Y2K.

TheOrange: Uh huh.

Phil Bond: Man, my life is complete suckage right now.

TheOrange: So stop spending so much money on eBay.

Phil Bond: No! I can't! I must do everything to thwart PrimeX! He is my greatest foe!

TheOrange: Fantastic. Do you still have my Megatron?

Phil looks around and sees a C9.8 G1 Megatron in gun mode lying next to his keyboard. He picks it up.

Phil Bond: Uh... sure.

TheOrange: Could you hold on to it for me this weekend? I'm going to Waukesha.

Phil Bond: Why?

TheOrange: Huh? No reason...

Phil Bond: ...

TheOrange: Are you even listening to me? This is where you interrogate me!

Phil Bond: surfing through Hot Puddin' Oooh! Playbot of the month. Hey, waitaminit. Why is the centerfold a fur-bearing trout?

Phil Bond touches the screen, and is gone.

TheOrange: You see, I pretend that I have no reason to go halfway across Wisconsin, and you're supposed to ask me "what's up with that?" ...Phil? Hello?

No one answers.

TheOrange: Wanker.

Cybertron

Drone: Success, Tankorr!

Tankorr: Spectacular. Let us see what we have wrought.

The chamber opens, and Phil steps out.

Phil Bond: This is uncool...

Benny: outside Stupid moletank and shit...

Tankorr: Excuse me.

Tankorr leaves.

Drone: I too must leave you to your own devices. Toodles.

The drone flies off in some indeterminate direction.

Phil Bond: This is VERY uncool.

Inside Megatron's shack of unreasonable delight

Megatron: watching on his view screens So, Phil Bond lives, and dares set foot on Cybertron. So wretched, so misshapen. I will DESTROY him.

The drone flies into the room.

Drone: Not until after your bath, sire.

Megatron: Yes, of course.

Rubber ducky: SQUAWK!

Back in the lab

Phil Bond: Okay, so after some careful examination, I have been able to determine that this is some sort of experimental transwarp chamber. But it requires a person to be physically divided to operate... how did they...

Phil sees a sticker on the inside of the chamber bearing the words "Property of Phil Bond."

Phil Bond: Of course! That sticker must have had some of my DNA on it! Clever, that Tankorr, but not clever enough. I still have that five dollar bill that Geever gave me in episode 5.

flashback

Geever: Here's a fiver. We'll talk later, okay?

Phil: Mmkay.

Crawley: This is so terribly unfroody.

Jetstorm: to a nearby Volkswagen Hold me, NickBee. Hold me.

/flashback

Phil Bond: Well, maybe it didn't happen exactly like that.

Phil throws the money into the chamber.

Phil Bond: Well, here goes nothing.

He turns on the power.

5 February, 2000 -- Somewhere in Wisconsin, Wisconsin

Geever: Dude! Were you the one who put Airazor and Tigatron on top of the television?

Crawley: Yeah, so?

Geever: What's she doing on all fours?

Crawley: Dunno.

Geever: You're sick.

Crawley: Hey, look Geev, a fur-bearing trout!

Geever: Don't call me "Geev."

Cybertron

Geever and Crawley walk out of the chamber. Moments later, half the power on Cybertron goes out.

Crawley: Damn, Geever, I think you broke it.

Geever: It wasn't me... pointing at Phil it must have been him!

Phil Bond: Hey you guys! Isn't this great? We're on Cybertron!

Crawley: I guess it's okay.

Geever: looking inside the chamber Hey, is that my five bucks?

Phil Bond: twirling the G1 Megatron toy on his finger What do you say we have a looksee?

Phil accidentally drops the toy. But before it hits the ground, it transforms into a huge robot.

George Takei: Oooooooh my...

Phil Bond: Indeed.

By a river bank

Rattrap: Pull!

Nightscream: No fair! You tied my wings down!

Rattrap: Yup.

Back nearby the lab

Something that can only be termed a cross between a bat and Leonardo DiCaprio gone horribly, terribly wrong flies through the air.

Phil Bond: That thing's gonna hit me! Quick! Shoot it!

Megatron transforms into a gun, fires at Nightscream, and turns back into a robot.

Nightscream: Ow!

Phil Bond: Amazing! It listens to my every command! This is just like issue 13 of the comics where that guy find Megatron and robs banks with him and... wow. I could take over the whole planet with this thing.

Phil raises the gun above his head.

Phil Bond: I am Master of CYBERTRON!

Unicron: I heard that, you cocky little freak.

Geever: Yeah, that's great, we're going to be leaving now.

Phil Bond: What? But I brought you guys here to help me out!

Crawley: Yeah, but we're bored. I mean, *where* are the robochicks? We're going to go find a way to get off this metallized hell-hole. Or maybe find a bar where the waitresses go walking around minus their torso plates... if you know what I mean.

Geever: See you later, man.

The Crawley and Geever saunter off. Phil looks at Megatron.

Phil: Gun! Transform!

Megatron transforms into gun mode and leaps into Phil's hand.

Phil Bond: Alright, Megatron. Let's play.

Somewhere along the way to Megatron's museum of monstrously tall mega murals

Cheetor: Yay! I'm in charge!

Blackarachnia: Great.

Cheetor: Pet me!

Blackarachnia: NO!

Phil slips by and enters the towering structure. Inside, he confronts his nemesis...

Phil Bond: Megatron!

Megatron: Ah, I see the great Phil Bond has finally graced me with his presence. No doubt you have come to do me in once and for all. Odd, I had imagined that my arch-nemesis/destroyer would be somewhat less... puny. Yeeeeeesssss...

Megatron rubs his knuckles on his robe.

Megatron: Or should I say... powers up an energy bolt "would-be destroyer?"

Phil Bond: Heh heh heh... Gun, transform!

The toy leaps out of Phil's hand and transforms into a massively tall robot, towering above everyone in the vault.

Megatron: M-Megatron? You endorse this weakling fool? This fleshling? This insolent vermin? Or perhaps he simply has you under his control like in issue 13 of the comics. Yeeeeesss...

Suddenly, Rattrap bursts in.

Rattrap: I've come to finish this, Megatron!

Rattrap looks at Megatron. He looks at Megatron. He looks at Phil.

Rattrap: What in the name of my Great Aunt Arcee is goin' on here?

Diagnostic Drone: to Phil May I speak to you for a moment?

Phil Bond: Sure.

The drone takes Phil outside, where he is quickly trapped in a CR chamber.

Phil Bond: What's this? What's going on?

Drone: with Phil in tow I'm taking you back to Earth.

Phil Bond: Why?

Drone: Having you bursting in on Megatron all willy nilly wasn't the plan. Besides, Tankorr has found a newer, better partner. One he has discovered a kinship with...

By the river bed

Tankorr and Benny: singing Let auld acquaintance be forgot and ne'er come to miiiiiiind!

Inside the lab

The Drone is trying to stuff Phil back into the transwarp chamber.

Phil Bond: But what about my gun?

Drone: Oh, don't worry about that. We have *big plans* for him!

Phil Bond: Just who are you, anyway?

Drone: Bob Skir.

Phil Bond: Ah...

The door slams in Phil's face, and reality warps.

Shortly before 2:30pm, 6 February, 2000 -- Phil Bond's Pad -- Way Out in the Boonies, Wisconsin

TheOrange: Aaahhhh... what a weekend.

Phil Bond appears out of thin air.

TheOrange: Ah, there you are. I need to get back to school soon, so I was just swinging by to get my Megatron back.

Phil Bond: Huh?

TheOrange: You know, the useless hunk of die-cast metal and plastic I spent almost $100 on?

Phil Bond: Oh, about that...

Somewhere in orbit above Cybertron

Unicron: I have summoned you here for a purpose.

Megatron: ...

Unicron: Your bargaining posture is highly dubious, but very well. I shall give you a new body, and new troops to command.

Diagnostic Drone: Could we hurry this up? I have other props to pull into orbit, and I need to prep the new characters for season 2.

Unicron: Excellent!

Megatron: ...

Unicron: to drone Um, could you give me a little push?

Megatron/Galvatron: BWAAAAAA!!!

The End

* * *

**Please feel free to go on to Episode 9c/11 - Denial and Trial**


	3. Episode 9c/11 - Denial and Trial

**Episode 9c/11 - Denial and Trial, by Traegorn RavenHawk**

**Thrust slowly putters down a random dark alley**

**Thrust: damn it damn it damn it**

**Flashback**

**Blackarachnia is flinging ooze around and NickBee appears to be liking it too much.**

**NickBee: Shut up you hic**

**Whatever.**

**NickBee: What's that Mr. Fanfic writin' narrator man? You dissin' me?**

**Smack You're NickBee, not Benny.**

**NickBee: Dizzy and lying on the ground Sorry...**

**Anywho... Thrust slowly gets up.**

**Thrust: Wazzzzzzzzzzzzzpinator no like gooey green ick..**

**Jetstorm: Avast! Foul evil of the... Oh heck, does anyone care what I'm saying? I mean, this is a useless flashback establishing me as Silverbolt....**

**Thrust: Noooo! Flashback is for Wazzzzzpinator!! Stupid Doggie-bot not even in scene before flashback.**

**Jetstorm: Blackarachnia... hold me.**

**Blackarachnia: I'm not even in this scene!**

**/Flashback**

**Thrust: Damn damn damn... I am not him! I refuse to be him! Primus-dammit! Screaming at sky Why couldn't you let me die! **

**Thrust begins to shoot things.**

**Thrust: Him! That pest! That FREAK! Why resurrect him! Why make me _live_ as him! Damn you Megatron! You have an entire planet's worth of sparks and you had to choose ME. **

**Somewhere else**

**Primal: posing in front of mirror Not yo' daddy's Buddha monkey!**

**Primal takes another pose.**

**Primal: Vogue!**

**Thrust's screams and shots are heard...**

**Primal: Well, that's just... prime!**

**A collective gasp is heard from the viewers as they realize how infrequently they hear what was once a very popular catch phrase.**

**Jetstorm: Say...what?**

**You heard me.**

**Jetstorm: Say...what?**

**I already said it.**

**Jetstorm: Say...what?**

**Shut up you.**

**Jetstorm: Say...what?**

**SMACK!**

**Jetstorm: ?tahw...yaS**

**STOP IT! You aren't even in this scene!**

**Jetstorm: Flys in and shoots at Primal Am now! **

**Primal: Ack! I am transformed!**

**Jetstorm: Well, looks like Buddha Monkey has gotten ready to put up a fight!**

**Primal: Shut. Up. Shoots Nightscream**

**Somewhere else**

**Nightscream: Oww! How did he? He's not, but I thought...**

**Rattrap: Coooool.**

**back to Primal**

**Primal: What part of "I'm indoors and on the second story of a building with big windows made of glass" did the Fanfic writer leave out?**

**Jetstorm: In a headlock, thanks to Laurence Fishbot Oh, gasp I think all of it.**

**Primal: Ok. **

**Primal throws Jetstorm out the window, but ends up crashing through it too. They dramatically fall Insert Commercial Break and Primal lands on top of Jetstorm...**

**Thrust: One is the loneliest number that you'll ever do. Two can be as bad as one. It's the loneliest number since the number o..... What the?**

**Primal: Hello. Continues to pummel Jetstorm**

**Thrust: What are you doing?**

**Primal: Pummeling Jetstorm.**

**Thrust: Ok.**

**Primal: By the way, which one of you is Silverbolt?**

**Thrust: Points to Jetstorm**

**Primal: Good to know continues to pummel Jetstorm**

**Jetstorm: Some...help...here...**

**Thrust: Reluctantly I guess.... Gets up**

**Rattrap: Over comm unit Rattrap to Optimus! Uhh... I kind of hurt Nightscream.... **

**Primal: I can't DEAL with that now! **

**Rattrap: What are you? Ultra Magnus? **

**Primal: Uhh, I mean, There's no TIME for that! **

**Rattrap: Better. **

**Primal: Thanks! Continues to Pummel Jetstorm**

**Thrust: Hey, Primal.**

**Primal: What? Looks over to him**

**Thrust: Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrn Fires guns**

**Jetstorm: No no no, you're the *other* annoying flying insect from Beast Wars.**

**Thrust: Oh, thanks.**

**Primal: Smacks Thrust Go away, manic depressive drone general boy.**

**Jetstorm & Thrust: Drones?**

**Primal: ...**

**Thrust: Dude, we have drones!**

**Jetstorm: Hey! You're right!**

**Suddenly a bunch of Drones appear.**

**Primal: Shit... Runs!**

**Jetstorm: This is so cool! It's like the first episode all over again!**

**Thrust: Yeah, only we aren't sparks in the floor!**

**NickBee: drives up along Thrust This a private party, or can anyone join in?**

**Jetstorm: Actually, I gotta go set up a tape for Pokemon, so you take over NickBee! Jetstorm flies off, taking a turn near the river....**

**NickBee: This is fun!**

**Three hours later**

**NickBee: That is one _fast_ monkey!**

**Thrust: Yeah!**

**Primal: to himself just keep telling yourself... starscream is behind you...**

**Starscream: I AM NOT GAY!**

**Cheetor: I AM NOT HOTROD!**

**TRH: I AM NOT WWTF!**

**Orange: I AM NOT TRH!**

**Phil Bond: I AM NOT IN THIS FIC!**

**Yes, you are, kinda.**

**Phil: Shut up you.**

**Anywho,**

**Primal: Getting tired....**

**Crawley: I am livin' in a material world, and I am a... Whoa! Is that BumbleBee with Thrust chasing Primal?**

**Geever: No, it can't be. BumbleBee was G1, and this is Beast Machines -- long after everyone from G1 was dead.**

**Crawley: But Rattrap knew Arcee...**

**Geever: Oh go make your toys perform sex acts.**

**Crawley: Ever feel like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern?**

**Geever: Who?**

**Everyone whooshed by.**

**Crawley: Dude, I still say those drones looked like BumbleBee...**

**Geever: Have you been reading bad fanfics again?**

**Hey!**

**Bob Skir/Drone: Umm, Mr. Ravenhawk?**

**Traegorn RavenHawk: Yeah?**

**BS/D: You've painted yourself into a corner here, huh. No idea how to end this in time for Episode 9D/12 and such.**

**TRH: Your point?**

**BS/D: Well, how do you plan on _resolving_ this?**

**TRH: Resolve?**

**BS/D: Yes.**

**TRH: Oh, well, I thought I throw in a Dues ex machina...**

**Machina: Hey!**

**TRH: Quiet! As I was saying, and just pretty much let the pieces fall where they may.**

**BS/D: How?**

**TRH: Like this....**

**Suddenly everyone becomes friends.**

**Jetstorm: I taped Pokemon!**

**Everyone (except Primal, who has left): Yay!**

**The End**

* * *

**Please feel free to go on to Episode 9D/12 - The Freak Component**


	4. Episode 9d/12 - The Freak Component

Episode 9D/12 - The Freak Component**, by TheOrange**

Inside Megatron's House of Eternal Funk

Narrator: It was like any other day on Cybertron...

Megatron: I have you now, Rattrap! Once I put the rest of your pestering organic comrades out of commission, nothing short of Phil Bond could possibly stand in my way of total dominion over Cybertron! Yeeessssss...

Narrator: Except for that.

Mr. Bamt: ..........you should have known better than to cross me..............kiddie

Rattrap: I'm bringing you down, Megatron!

Megatron: Could you? tugs at his cable I seem to be stuck. Yessssss...

Narrator: Eh, perhaps I should start at the beginning...

Amidst primordial energies before our universe existed

God #1: Hey there, baby. What do you say to a little premarital hanky panky?

God #2: Okay!

Much godly moaning, groaning, and countless millennia later.

God #2: Oh, GOD!

God #1: That would be me!

Moments later, a baby is born.

God #2: Primus!

God #1: Indeed. What a good name for our child!

Narrator: No, no no no no! Not THAT beginning!

In some nondescript Vehicon factory

Narrator: That's better. We were on an information gathering mission, strictly recon. However, we ran into a little trouble...

Cheetor: CHARGE!

Nightscream: What's the point? Every time we knock one down, two take their place!

Rattrap: Hello! Look around! We're in a Vehicon factory, here!

Cheetor swinging his swords wildly: Nightscream! Take out all the aerodrones!

Nightscream: Nothing doing. I can only be effective during my character introduction episode. Any more of this and I'll blow my capacitors.

Rattrap: Sweet baby Primus in a dune buggy. looking away Cheetor, what are you doing?

Cheetor waving his arms around wildly: I'm blocking the shots!

Rattrap: They aren't firing at you!

Cheetor: Right... I knew that.

Rattrap: Put those silly things away and help me. We gotta hack into Megatron's computer like the boss monkey told us to.

Cheetor: Don't give me orders, Optimus left ME in charge.

Rattrap: Eh, whatever you say, Hot Rod.

Cheetor really pissed off: I...

Smashes into a tank drone.

Cheetor: AM...

Downs three aerodrones.

Cheetor: NOT...

Tips over a line of cycledrones.

Cheetor: HOT ROD!!!

Narrator: Perhaps I had underestimated the cat...

Rattrap: Eh. Whatever works, I guess. Beast Mode!

Rattrap plug his tail into the wall.

Nightscream: Hey, you can't do that, you don't have your technorganic body anymore!

Rattrap shoots Nightscream.

Rattrap: That's enough out of you, Leonardo DiCaprio.

Nightscream: Guh... how did you shoot me in Beast Mode?

Rattrap shoots him again.

Rattrap: Quiet, I'm busy!

Narrator: Optimus had given us orders to hack into Megatron's central computer. He didn't tell us what we were looking for, only said, "You'll know it when you see it." It's anyone's guess what the Buddha Monkey is doing right know.

Elsewhere on Cybertron

Primal: Don't call me "Buddha Monkey!!!"

Narrator: Eh, right. Sorry.

Just then, all the lights in Cybertron go out.

Inside Megatron's Unofficial AllSpark

Drone: Your rubber ducky, sire?

Megatron: in the bathtub Suddenly I feel weak, very weak. Yeesssss...

Back at the Vehicon factory

Rattrap: Hey, Megatron's weak. Really weak!

Bathtub

Megatron: playing with his rubber ducky I said "very." Yessssss...

Vehicon Factory

Rattrap: Whatever. Nightscream, come with me. Cheetor, hold things together while we're gone.

Cheetor: Yay! I'm in charge!

Nightscream: Don't let it go to your head.

Narrator: It was all up to the two of us now, and I knew just what I had to do...

Three seconds later

Nightscream: Ow!

Rattrap: Hold still so I can shoot you!

Nightscream: Guh. Light... fading...

Narrator: ... but I knew it would not be enough

By the river bank

Rattrap: Pull!

Benny: Quick, gimme a gun!

Tankorr: Get your own!

Rattrap: Good, now while they're distracted...

Inside Megatron's Bordello of Geometric Forms

Narrator: I burst into the Citadel like no one's business...

Rattrap: I've come to finish this, Megatron!

Narrator: What I see frightens me to my central processor.

Rattrap: What in the name of my Great Aunt Arcee is goin' on here?

Diagnostic Drone: to Phil May I speak to you for a moment?

Phil Bond: Sure.

Megatron: So this is how the world ends. Not with a bang, but with a quickie while the base is under attack.

Rattrap: I think you know why I'm here.

Megatron: Yes. You feel estranged from your Maximal friends. You're useless to your comrades and upset at Cheetor usurping your power. And you want me to give you weapons. Yeeessss...

Rattrap: No. Actually I came by to talk to your drone.

Megatron: Oh.

Rattrap: This is it for you, Megatron. Your power is gone...

A lab somewhere

Blackarachnia: Oh crap...

Citadel

Rattrap: Your Vehicons are incapacitated...

Jetstorm's Quarters

All: Go Pikachu!

NickBee: Digivolve!

The other Vehicons stare.

NickBee: What?

Citadel

Rattrap: Face it. You're beaten.

Megatron: Yeessss... Of course. Your logic is infallible. But would you at least consider my offer?

Mr. Bamt rolls out of a chamber onto the floor.

Megatron: My general here has felt somewhat remiss since his foul-mouthed organic of a partner went missing.

Mr. Bamt: apologize.............apologize and ill forget everything you ever did to me................

Rattrap: This is a terribly funny joke, right?

Mr. Bamt: i heard that kiddie..................im the guardian of this planet.................and your going to help me guard it.

Rattrap: What is he-- hey hey HEY!

Mr. Bamt transforms into robot mode and grabs Rattrap.

Megatron: It seems that the tables have turned Rattrap. You should have considered my offer. Yessss...

Rattrap: What, you mean from episode 8?

Megatron: Yes, that would be the one. I could have made you the most powerful robot on Cybertron... next to myself of course. You understand my need for superiority.

Rattrap: Great, now what am I going to do?

Megatron: Isn't it obvious? I will use you to keep myself safe for one solar cycle. And, with you out of the way, that boob Cheetor will be leading the Maximals. Yeessssss...

Elsewhere on Cybertron, but not the same elsewhere as any previous elsewhere

Cheetor: Yay! I'm in charge!

Blackarachnia: So you said.

Cheetor: Pet me!

Blackarachnia: I already said "NO!"

Back inside that really big, dark place

Narrator: Which brings us to now.

Mr. Bamt: so..........if soundwave and terrorclaw duked it out.............who do you think would land the first punch........?

Rattrap: I don't care!

Mr. Bamt: apologize.....................to my face..................

Cheetor: Let him go, Megatron!

Narrator: Great, the cavalry is here...

Megatron: Ratty Bamt! Eliminate them!

Blackarachnia: What's going on here, Rattrap? And what's with the fancy duds?

Narrator: Since when was she from Cyberbrooklynis?

Rattrap: Guys! Don't let him make me do this!

Mr. Bamt begins the beatdown, and starts by shooting Nightscream.

Nightscream: ARGH! Does it never end!?

Mr. Bamt: nuthins gonna stand in our way!...................bow bow, wow, bow wow!

Megatron: Hmmm... my most effective general yet... Yesssss...

Narrator: And, of course -- just our luck -- this is the part where Megatron gets reenergized.

Megatron: Oh yessss....

Boom chick! Chicka chicka!

Megatron: Ooooohhh yessssss...

Boom chick! Chicka chicka!

Narrator: My team was down, but not out...

Cheetor: It's time to go on the offensive.

Blackarachnia: And who are we offending now?

Dramatic pause.

Cheetor: Everyone.

Narrator: And then, out of nowhere...

Primal: Rattrap, hold! What do you mean by firing on your friends?

Rattrap: Mr. Bamt is making me do this!

Primal: Oh. In that case... Cheetor! What do you mean by not not taking a bath?

Cheetor: But Optimus, you said you'd make me some pie first!

Primal: But where are your mittens Cheetor... where are your mittens?

Cheetor puts his swords down, looks at the ground, and scuffles his feet.

Primal: Mr. Bamt, listen to me. You don't need Rattrap to be complete.

Mr. Bamt: silence kiddie.................im trying to save this planet.......................and your in my way!

Megatron: With Rattrap as his "master," Mr. Bamt is now the most powerful soldier under my command. The most powerful in all of Cybertron!

Primal: Cut the crap Megatron, Mr. Bamt doesn't need some useless rat to tell him what to do. He's stronger than you know.

Rattrap: Hey!

Primal: Mr. Bamt, I feel the pain in your spark. You strive for acceptance, but everywhere you turn you see enemies.

Mr. Bamt's claws lower. Rattrap struggles free.

Primal: Ever since you came online you've been ridiculed and outcast. And though you beg for the apologies due to you, you haven't received them. Receive them from me, Mr. Bamt. Join the Maximals.

Rattrap jumps away. Mr. Bamt looks at the ground.

Mr. Bamt: ... yes. Yes! For the first time in my life, I have found someone who understands me! I have been such a fool...

Everyone stares at Mr. Bamt.

Mr Bamt: I mean.... transforms into a moletank apologize.................right now......................to my face.

Rattrap: Let's get out of here!

Nightscream: I second that.

Primal: Maximals, hightail it!

The Maximals run like mad. The diagnostic drone flies up next to Megatron.

Drone: You're letting them go, sire? Why do you not pursue?

Megatron: Because tugs on his cable I'm still attached to the ceiling.

Drone: Ah.

Elsewhere on Cybertron

Tankorr: The storm gathers on the horizon. All the pieces are in place. Soon, we shall strike...

Benny: That's great. Now sit yo' heavy metal ass down and gimme another card, foo'!

The End

* * *

**Please feel free to go on to the Season Finale, Episode 10/13 - End of the Line**


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